I am lost

December 11, 2011

Hard relapses. I thought that I had better control… Better intentions.

This darkness is so deep to the touch. My hands slide through it and they shiver and shake, repulsed and fascinated. My monsters, so gentle and dusty and wet. My monsters are my shadow. The darkness I can never run from.

Sometimes, at my best, I find a bright place and take rest there for a while. Sometimes I convince myself to stay. But I can’t stay. My shadow always pushes me along and I follow, for fear of being seen with it hanging from my legs.

Sometimes my shadow is before me, as if leading me. Other times it follows. Either way, we’re both going to the same place… Either way, it ends with me alone. Because in the darkness, everything is lost. In the darkness, I am lost.